Why Yes ?

IVA

Nixtieq inkun naf kif iħossuhom it-tfal ta ‘familji mhux magħquda’ hekk kif jaraw poster tal-moviment Le. Poster li jipprommwovi familji magħquda; dak li huma ma għandhomx. Poster li jinjora id-differenzi li jmorru lil hinn mid-dinja ħelwa miżgħuda zokor li dan il-poster jippromwovi.

Mhux qiegħda nimplika li il-poster huwa ħażin. Qiegħda sempliċiment ngħid illi hemm realtajiet oħra apparti is-‘cereal packet family’, u dawn ir-realtajiet ma fihom assolutament xejn ħażin. U wasal iż-żmien li nirrikonoxxu l-eżistenza tagħhom.

Ħa ngħid kif kien iħossni jien. Kont nħossni qisni żejda. Qisu irrid nirreċta.Inħossni inqas minn sħabi li jidhru li għandhom ħajja bħal tal-poster. Kont nieħu qatgħa meta jkun hemm parents meeting, għaliex ħajti ma ijiex bħal dik imposta mill-poster.

Darba meta kellhi sittax -il sena, smajt ħabiba tiegħi tgħid li ma riditx toħroġ ma ġuvni għaliex ‘ommu u missieru separati’. Bqajt mbellha. Li ma kontx naf dak iż-żmien kien li fil-klikka kien hemm ħafna f’dik is-sitwazzjoni, imma ħadd ma kien jitkellem għax kien iħossu differenti.

Ħafna żmien ilu in-nies ‘differenti’ ma kinux aċċettati mis-soċjeta. Kienu jiġu relegati ġo xi kantina, ma tmurx l-eżistenza tagħhom tkisser u tiddisturba l-armonija eżistenjali tal-komunita’.

L-istess ħaġa iż-żwiġijiet. Minn dejjem kien hawn żwiġijiet li jfallu. Minn dejjem kien hawn irġiel isawtu u jirrepjaw lin-nisa tagħhom, u nisa li jkornu lil żewġhom meta jkun ix-xogħol. Imma dawn l-affarijiet konna naħbuhom fil-kantina; jew fil-kamra tas-sodda. Il-mara kienet tinħeba u tissawwat għal-għomorha. L-unika ħajja li għanda,tqattaha fit-tbatija.

Iva, il-familji jitkissru, għaliex huma magħmulin minn bnedmin umani; li jiżbaljaw u li ifallu. Dik hi l-istorja tal-bniedem. Jaqa, ifalli; jiġbor il-biċċiet; iqum u jibqa miexi. U jibqa jittama. Iva, wasal iż-żmien li naċċettaw li il-mama u il-papa’ jinfirdu, imma dan ma jfissirx li aħna differenti. Jew li aħna inqas minn haddieħor. Wasal iż-żmien li naċċettaw il-presenża ta nies differenti. U naċċettaw il-presenża tagħhom madwarna.
Iva jfisser li ma nibqgħux aktar ngħixu ġo bozza b’rasna moħbija ġor-ramel.Naħbu id-difetti tas- soċjeta. Ifisser li min hu kuntent u miżżewweġ, miżżewweġ għax vera jrid.

Iva tfisser li naċċettaw u ninkludu lil min hu differenti, irrelevanti mil-preġudizzji tagħna.

“Children want to be loved not terrorized”

Article By Cedric Falzon

Everybody is trying to gain approvals by using kids, trying to voice their opinions on subjects that they barely understand. Well here I am, quite annoyed by all the blabber being used by the people promoting the ‘NO’ vote. I came to this world in 1977 and until I reached the age of fourteen my memories are tinged of gruesome memories. My dad, who had and still has a problem with alcohol abuse which led him to being violent. Without going into the merits of why and what for my parents marriage broke up, I will try and explain the affects that were left on me.

Spending sleepless nights fearing my father will try and kill my mother during the night, spending nights after nights sleeping on benches in police stations those are my memories. Day by day I had to worry about my mum’s life and myself. With no brothers and sisters, my mother and I were alone living with a real terrorist. Yes he was a terrorist because he terrorized our lives for years after years.

Do not say give another chance, my mum gave other chances and for that I ended with my father putting a penknife against my neck, otherwise it would have ended in my mother’s womb.

It would have been ideal if their marriage could be saved, but it would have been much better if my father tried to assist me throughout my studies by paying some alimony. Well he wasn’t ideal and instead of paying my alimony he opted to give up working and live on social benefits.

This meant that mum had to work hard throughout the years to make ends meet and pay the debts that my father made on the home, since in those days a husband could take loans without the knowledge of the spouse.

It angers me and more so it worries me hearing people saying, ‘Ħeq ħu paċenzja.’ Will you stay calm and patient if your life or the life of your children is at stake?

Well it was quite an experience for sure what I learnt is that a dysfunctional marriage, especially were violence is involved, is not healthy for children. Unfortunately this closed mentality and short sighted perspective has left too many victims in our islands Victims of domestic violence. That is why I will be voting Yes for responsible divorce in Malta. Children want to be loved not terrorized.

No other way but divroce

Article By Hubert Paul Farrugia

Leaks should be subject to caution but I feel that that the one which was published on the Malta Independent on Sunday today was close to correct. To put it simple, even with the cohabitation bill in place, there is no other way but divorce. Like it or not, no other system can bring much needed social organisation as no back-door can be provided.

A bill entering parliament passes through several stages in which the laws in the bill are usually watered down or modified. However, even at an early process the idea of having a cohabitation law as a substitute to divorce has failed. People who are separated, will not able to register themselves under the cohabitation law whatsoever. The law will only be applicable to non-married people, excluding people who are separated (and thus still married), as a sort of second class marriage where divorce is available. Being conservative in matters of social order, I could not understand how bigamy could be legalized in any way. This would have just led to social confusion, and as always happens in Malta, at the end of the day, common sense prevailed.

Therefore, like it or not, society can’t do without divorce. Even though the no movement have not given any alternative to the thousands of separated people wanting a new start, this could have been their questionable Saviour at the end of this campaign, but now this pathway has completely failed. Therefore it is also common sense to stand up and vote yes in the referendum, next Saturday 28th May!. If not for you, for others and for the rule of law in this country!

The Divorce Process

The Divorce Process

Stand UP – It’s Time to Say Yes Again ! – Video 3

Meta fl-Irlanda t-tkissir taż-żwieġ żdied b’100% f’Malta żdied b’160%

Meta fl-Irlanda t-tkissir taż-żwieġ żdied b’100% f’Malta żdied b’160%. Il-grupp LE b’rispett lejn il-ġejjieni qiegħed ikompli bil-kampanja ta’ biża’ u nofs veritajiet filwaqt li jinjora l-bidliet soċjali u kulturali fil-pajjiżi kollha tal-Ewropa,inkluż f’Malta.

Meta fl-aħħar siegħat kelliemi għal dan il-grupp tal-LE qal li wara li fl-Irlanda daħal id-divorzju żdiedu b’100% iż-żwiġijiet imkissra, kien messu qal ukoll li fl- aħħar snin f’Malta ż-żwiġijiet imkissra żdiedu b’160%. Dan joħroġ ċar jekk inqabblu ċ-ċensiment tal-2005 ma’ dak tal-1995.

Matul is-snin, bejn iċ-ċensiment tal-1995 u dak tal-2005, l-għadd ta’ żwiġijiet annullati jew fejn divorzji barra minn Malta kienu rikonoxxuti lokalment,flimkien ma’ dawk il-koppji li ħadu separazzjoni legali, żdied b’160%, minn ftit aktar minn 5,000 għal aktar minn 13,000. L-għadd ta’ separazzjonijiet legali biss żdiedu b’aktar minn 7,000, minn ftit aktar minn 4,000 għal aktar minn 11,000, fl- 2005.

Kollox jindika, inkluż ħafna tagħrif mogħti fil-Parlament, li b’xorti ħażina din ir- rata kompliet tiżdied bl-eluf u dan minkejja li f’Malta m’hawnx divorzju. Din hija prova oħra li mhux id-divorzju jkisser iż-żwieġ.

Jekk imbagħad inħarsu lejn l-Irlanda, l-pajjiż li ssemma’ mill-grupp tal-LE, l-istudju Family Figures: Family Dynamics and Family Types in Ireland, 1986-2006 jixhed kif wara li fl-Irlanda daħal id-divorzju, r-rata li bih kien qiegħed jiżdied it-tkissir fiż-żwieġ ikkalmat.

Bħal f’Malta, fejn m’hawnx divorzju, baqgħu jitkissru iktar żwiġijiet, iżda b’rata li kienet qiegħda tikber b’rata inqas mgħaġġla minn kif kienet qiegħda tikber fl-Irlanda qabel daħal id-divorzju. Filwaqt li ma nistgħux ngħidu jekk dan kellux rabta mall-fatt li fl-Irlanda daħal id-divorzju, nistgħu ngħidu b’ċertezza li żgur ma seħħewx il-profeziji tal-LE fl-Irlanda meta qalu li bid-divorzju tiżdied ir-rata li
biha jitkissru ż-żwiġijiet.

Il-Moviment StandUP jisħaq li kollox juri kif mhux id-divorzju li jkisser il- familja imma diversi realtajiet soċjali u kulturali li aħna nemmnu li għandhom ikunu indirizzati bħala parti minn pjan nazzjonali favur il-familja.

Id-divorzju minn naħa l-oħra għandu jiddaħħal bħala parti mil-liġijiet ta’ Malta biex jagħti drittijiet u jpoġġi dmirijiet fuq dawk li jkunu sabu l-imħabba mill-ġdid wara li l-ewwel żwieġ tagħhom ikun falla.

Fir-risq hazin u tajjeb: zwieg mill-gdid wara separazzjoni legali

Document Published by the “The Today Public Policy Institute”:

Fir-risq hazin u tajjeb: zwieg mill-gdid wara separazzjoni legali

Divorce for breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Article by Veronica Barbara

It seems there are some people who want to convince us that as soon as a divorce law is introduced the majority of Maltese families will start the legal procedure to divorce… These people are either completely off the mark or else they are saying this since they have no better arguments to put forth against the introduction of divorce.

For all those who have had to end a long relationship (whether married, engaged or otherwise) know how difficult it is to draw a line and start off again, to fit in the new routine and get used to doing things on your own, without you ex-partner. It hurts. It devastates you. You feel alone. You’d have known this was going to happen when you took that hard decision to stop a failed relationship.And yet you’d still have taken this step because if you wouldn’t have, with time, life would have become worse. It is a courageous act that a person decides upon for his or her own good (yes, there’s nothing wrong in admitting that we do things for our own good) and for the good of others as well, including children, who definitely do not enjoy observing that their parents cannot stand
each other. So “Flimkien gћal-Uliedna” (Together for our Children) is a silly message. They should have written “KUNTENTI Flimkien gћal Uliedna” (HAPPILY together for our Children). In fact, on that billboard both parents are smiling and look quite happy – I do not see any reason why they should divorce. If the NO Movement truly wants us to believe their message, they should have presented us with a different image… two very sad parents with a confused kid in the middle. But not even they believe that this is how things should be!

When a couple decides to start the divorce process it means that the break-up is already a thing of the past. Most probably both parents would be struggling to start a new life, alone or with someone else – but they cannot free themselves from the chains that keep on pulling them towards each other, each pull hurting even more than the previous one. Each time they think that all is over some legal issue or other forces them to open the wound once again.

Apart from that, like all laws, divorcing entails a serious of procedures which nobody would go into or pay for if they have any other option. Unlike what some Maltese fundamentalists are saying regarding their bible in a video circulating online, divorcees do not have divorce for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It is NOT a way of life. Quoting a phrase that has been circulating on Facebook lately, divorce does not kill a healthy marriage but helps bury a dead one.

Main point: No healthy marriage is threatened by a divorce law because people won’t start a divorce procedure unless they have to!

Children and Divorce

Article by Veronica Barbara

Many people are stating that introducing a divorce law in Malta will affect children of divorcees in a devastating way. In my opinion, this argument against the introduction of divorce lacks any basis whatsoever. In reality, children are hurt by the fact that the loving relationship between their parents comes to end. It is irrelevant whether the parents decide to start a legal separation process or whether they simply decide to go and live in different houses.

It would be much more sensible if those who keep on using up all their energy fighting against the introduction of divorce start campaigning in favour of better preparation before marriage and before couples decide it is the moment to start having children. This is the discussion they should bring up if they are truly concerned about children’s well-being.

It would make much more sense if these people analyze what is leading to marriage breakdowns. Obviously, each case is unique and needs to be observed separately but it is a known fact that financial pressures are fuelling marital problems. Many Maltese parents cannot keep up with day-to-day expenses and are being forced into looking for a part-time job in addition to their regular full-time occupation. This results in less time for communication within the family, and a bigger chance of drifting apart. What needs to be done is to tackle the problem from the roots up to the branches, instead of wasting time and energy to attack a law – a law which is there simply to give a second chance to those who, for whatever reason, have not managed to restore their failed marriage.

Apart from this, there are some people who keep on placing children at the centre of the argument only when it suits them and in a way that supports their arguments. Some groups against the introduction of divorce never seem to bother about the children that are born from the second relationship that one might have. Why shouldn’t these children be given the chance to see their parents legally married? This union would ensure legal protection for the children in case of problems or difficulties that may arise. It is not fair that we use double standards with children. Shall we take on board an attitude that neglects all feelings, and disregard these children, labelling them as “children born out of sin”? Every child is the product of love and is worth the same respect and attention as all other children. So if we really want to talk about children and divorce we must make sure to include all children in the discussion.